Days going by

Days keep going by so quickly. I've been OK for a while, and now I feel myself crashing. It always comes. I try so hard to be a good mother, and wife, and I feel myself slipping into despair. I am attempting to keep it held together, and I am struggling. There are so many things that I should be doing, but I'm not. I'm supposed to be a good mother to my son, and I keep failing.

He keeps getting into trouble for talking too much at school. How can I stop that? He talks a lot because it's just the way he is. How do I get him to stop hating going to school? Everyday he wakes up, and doesn't want to go. He doesn't want to go because he will get in trouble. He doesn't even seem to be trying to be good anymore. I keep telling him that I am disappointed in him for getting into trouble, which just seems to make it worse. He just can't seem to hold it together at school. I literally SCREAMED at him last night, just so he would do his homework. Tears gleaming in his eyes, he finished it quickly. I just don't get why he keeps behaving like this. What am I doing wrong with him?

So...I bought a guide online last night. I read most of it, and it claims that if I cut ALL sugar, and "unnatural" foods from his diet, it will improve his behavior. After I read most of this guide, I went upstairs and apologized to him. I told him that I was sorry that I had yelled at him, and he said that it was OK. That made me feel even worse. I am just so frustrated with his behavior, that I don't know what to do anymore. This guide also pointed out the fact that we treat our friends and acquaintances better than we treat our children. And, it was right. I am nicer to strangers than I am to my own son sometimes. I hate that fact. So, I decided that I will be as nice to my son as I am to strangers.

I must treat him with respect, and love. How could I have been so blind to this simple fact? I scream at him when he doesn't just do what I tell him to do. Why should I ask him to do something, when he should just do as I say. I've been blinded as a parent, and now my eyes have been opened. I will be treating my son with the respect that he deserves, and hopefully his behavior will change. I WANT him to be good. I WANT him to succeed at school. I WANT him to be happy. I WANT him to enjoy his life. I do not want him to be miserable everyday. I do not want him to hate school. I do not want him to get in trouble all the time. If I can show him what it IS to be loved, will he change his troubled ways at school? He asked me to have lunch with him at school.

When he gets home today, I will tell him that I will have lunch with him once a week, if he can maintain good behavior. I should have thought of this last night when we were talking, but I was so scattered about the screaming, that I couldn't even think of it.