Monday, May 3, 2010

Am I doing the right thing?

As I finish up my second semester welding, I'm beginning to wonder if this really is the right career path for me. If the one lone interview I've been on is any real taste of what the industry is really like, I may as well just quit now, and go back to working in a grocery store. I am scared that all the men I will interview with will treat me like a fool, and that once I do get on the job, I'll prove them right. I go to class, and I see what the instructor has some of the guys doing, and I wonder why he doesn't have me doing the same types of things. Like, why am I working on a cup walk, when 3 other guys are working on pipe? Is it that they are better welders than I am, or is it because I'm taking the next TIG class over the summer, and they aren't? I just wish that I had some reassurances from my instructor that I was doing well. I get it from one or two of the guys in class, but I don't know how seriously to take them. I just want to be good.
My husband finally finished rewiring the shed to run the poor old machine I got, so I tried it out this weekend. It's a beast, and doesn't really weld at low amps, but it'll work to practice on. I asked him a few times if he wanted to try it out, and he kept saying no. I asked him why finally, and his reply hurt my feelings. He told me that he didn't even want to try it because "I don't want to get better than you are." I was completely deflated by his comment. I looked at him, and said, "you can't be better than me. Neither one of us has ever done this before." He claims that he only said it because he has soldered before, and that welding would be something he felt he would be naturally good at. I was floored, to say the least. He's making me doubt myself because he is always better than me at everything. Pretty much no matter what he does, he's good at. It makes me angry sometimes. I just want to hook the ground clamp to his junk and fry his ass. (I never would, because it wouldn't work anyway, but it makes a nice picture in my head.) I knew when I started welding, he thought I couldn't do it, but when I bring pieces home to show him, he seems impressed and proud of me. Apparently, it's all been a lie, and he still doesn't think I can do it. I mean, if my own husband doesn't think I can do, why would a stranger?
So, as I sit here, I'm thinking of the difficult blueprint reading class that I beat myself up over all semester, and I'm thinking that I'll get an 'A' on the final. I've studied hard for this test and my understanding of the prints has improved greatly. I just never worked with any measurements, or symbols like these before. I mean, you don't have to exactly measure flowers with a tape measure to make a beautiful arrangement. Plus, I want to be good, I want to be the one the instructors come to with special projects that DON'T include rearranging the supply closet. I want to prove all the men wrong.
Maybe they just want to keep me down BECAUSE I'm a woman.

I hope that's the reason anyway. I'll never forgive myself if I don't have a welding job by the end of the summer.

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A rant about life today, and my undereducated thoughts on how to change things. Also, some random opines about other subjects...occasionally.