So, what's new with me?

It's been a long, long time since I posted on here. I have 3 more kids, my mom, and a different outlook on life. I hate my sister, (the kids mom) the drug addict. I found out today my grandmother is going to hospice, and I don't know that I want to go back to Arizona for the funeral. I'm stressed to the max, and some days I feel like I used to. I feel like it's all slipping away, and the control that I show everyone will finally fall away, and they will all see me for I really am. A weak willed, spineless woman who can't do anything on her own. A whiny little bitch who can't do anything right. This mask that I wear feels like it's lined with spikes. It's incredibly difficult to keep a smile on my face sometimes. It's getting harder and harder to get out of bed some days. I swear, I think I'm bipolar. The crazy just gets out of control sometimes, and manifests itself differently with each passing year. I'm going to try very hard to keep this updated. I know I've said it before, but this time I mean it!!!